ilovesmoothjazz1998:

Name: Bitch
Gender: Bitch
Race: Bitch
Age: Bitch
Height: Bitch
Weight: Bitch
Reason for applying: I’m a bitch

(via humorking)

rowanandphoenixfeather:

one of my roommates used to work with 5th graders in a creative writing class thing and they had to write a romance and most of the kids wrote stories about princesses and crap but this one little girl wrote about how a marshmallow fell in love with a mug of cocoa and he loved the cocoa so much that in order to be with her he melted and died like wow kid that’s some shakespearian shit right there

(via fake-mermaid)

sharpslut:

i wish people had crushes on me 

(via fake-mermaid)

evilfartgallery:

fartgallery:

i hope you’re all having a great day

I don’t

(via humorking)

nintendoggy:

i dont want the d. i want the a. i want to pass this class

(via fake-mermaid)

eludible:

Being told I have the best taste in music is like the best compliment you could give me

(via humorking)

slomps:

People who can keep their cool when being told off or made fun of are not to be messed with

(via janiinadao)

teamrocketing:

how do you get a stranger in public to fall in love with you

(via janiinadao)

stabs:

why do we need to watch the sky to enjoy the stars when the ultimate star is me

(via humorking)